To learn and to teach

Jewish tradition has a strong commitment to the concept of "b'shem omro" (lit. "in the name of the one who said it"). We also believe that we can learn something from everybody. While I expected to learn a lot on this trip, I was not sure how much our tour guide, Roni, could learn from me. I also did not yet realize an important lesson from a passing conversation with Cantor Clissold. But last night at dinner Roni was telling Elizabeth and me about his daughter's upcoming bat mitzvah. He had just told me about his son's bar mitzvah last year. We laughed at the fact that both Israeli and American kids learn their Torah portions by iPod (only that his son learned it in two weeks and ours usually take a little longer). I asked where he would hold his daughter's bat mitzvah. I didn't think that any traditional synagogues in Israel would allow such a thing. Roni explained that Israeli bat mitzvah celebrations are just parties. It was like an American sweet 16.

Then Cantor's lesson became clear. A few weeks ago she told me of a conversation she had with some friends. The man grew up traditional and does not believe girls - including his own daughter - should have a bat mitzvah (let alone serve as cantors!). Needless to say, Cantor Clissold did not agree. Later, Cantor Clissold told the woman she needed to make sure her daughter had a bat mitzvah. She told her how important it is for girls to the read from the Torah scroll; to know that - like their brothers - they have full access, equal ability, and high standing in the eyes of God and the Jewish people. Not bringing girls to the Torah when their brothers have or will do so, sends the opposite message.

So I told Roni that he needed to ensure his daughter read from the Torah scroll for her bat mitzvah. I told him to go to the Reform synagogue in Haifa and explain his situation. He protested that his wife's French Tunisian family didn't do these kinds of things and it wouldn't fit. I told him to go with just his immediate family for the Torah reading and have the party for everyone later. We can not allow Orthodoxy to dictate girls out off the bima. He told me that was a fight we could not win. I told him that we must win it. He asked me how. I answered that it happens when his daughter reads the Torah. He told me I was a missionary (as a compliment) and he liked the suggestion, "I had never even thought of it until you said it." Since I don't have daughters, I had never much considered the importance of the ritual for girls as different from boys. But now I see. I learned it from the Cantor and Roni learned it from me and someday his daughter will pass it on.